24 December 2016

Hear here  

My hearing loss started after I had babies 10 years ago, caused by a condition called otosclerosis which is basically the calcification of the tiniest little bone in your body which helps with channelling sound through from your middle ear and no, this is not a medical journal, so I will not bore you with the details. The fact is that I was managing my hearing loss with hearing aids for the past 4 years already and not a lot of people actually knew I was wearing hearing aids. The truth is, I wasn’t able to fully take life in without the assistance of these magic little amplifiers in my ears. And honestly, that was fine. Some of the time I actually enjoyed being a bit muffled up, distanced, separated. It was like I had the ‘unplugged’ version of life at the end of the day when the hearing aids came out. Other times I was feeling frustrated at missing out, being different, feeling embarrassed and fearful about not being good enough… My kids specifically got bored with me asking them to repeat themselves, which in a way is great learning for them, developing patience and compassion for a ‘disabled’ mum. And by golly gosh, I have been repeating myself the whole time with them, so good on them. J I learned how to manage, I relied on other people’s ears and my hearing aids were my number one accessories and a reason to drive back home when forgotten. When earlier this year my husband moved out of our home, my night-time ears left with him. And on my journey of independence I realised that actually I needed to explore surgery and do all I could do in getting my hearing possibly fixed or at least the hearing loss slowed down.

Now 5 weeks after a stapedectomy - a friend asked: A stickadicktomy?? J - I am living life without hearing aids and I have become aware that this surgery has been about so much more than fixing a hearing issue. I am actually dealing with deeper issues and patterns around listening. Listening to myself, following my intuition and trusting myself. Listening to my children, stopping myself from talking to them until I am being spoken to. Listening to my body, without judgement and negative self-talk. Listening to my heart, allowing any feelings of hurt and grief, be vulnerable and be open to love. Listening to my self, my beautiful, loving, kind and powerful self. Wow, what an awesome opportunity I have to break some patterns that have served me well until now, the pushing through, the making shit happen no matter what, the adapting, conforming, playing my part in the whole picture of my family, my work, my community. And wow, what amazing skills I have developed. The time just now has arrived to turn these skills on towards this new project of self-love, self-respect and self-care.

It’s like, hellloooooooooo, can you hear me?